As Christmas rolls in like a red-eye interstate flight, bringing relatives together, this time around it won't be quite the same as previous years.

In what has been a tumultuous year for Australian society, from petrol prices getting higher than a jockey singing a falsetto version of Silent Night to the all powerful Howard government sneaking a few more laws onto Santa's gift list.

Will you be yearning for the Christmas of years past or ushering in a new, safer, 'working for a brighter future' kind of Christmas? What will Christmas be like under the new anti-terror laws currently being debated in parliament?

To begin with, all the scrooges who say humbug to Christmas will need to fall into line. There is now no need to prove that Santa, Jesus, or the miracle of Christmas ever happened as the government no longer bears the onus of proof.

While this will lead to Christmas cheer being more readily available, your older brother — who reckons that Santa is really mum and dad — may not be able to share Christmas with you.

Under preventative detention laws, anyone who might be a threat to the Christmas spirit can be taken into detention. That doesn't just go for the Christmas nay-sayers, it could be used to lock away that sour aunt who turns Christmas lunch into her airing of grievances.

The guest list should be kept to a minimum anyway. If the numbers reach anything larger than what a normal family looks like, suspicion is raised. After all, you could be using Christmas as a cover for a terrorist cell meeting.

Gifts should no longer be left under the Christmas tree either, if you see an unmarked package left anywhere, call the bomb squad. Terrorists don't rest, not even on Christmas Day.

There will be no room for argument or disappointment. We all know that granny gets you the same box of chocolates every year. Socks and undies are the worst gift ever, but you can't complain anymore.

The new sedition laws will mean that any ill feeling or disappointment with your gifts will have to be kept to yourself, or else you'll be risking jail time for inciting discontent and airing criticism.

When calling loved ones from overseas or interstate who couldn't make it to the family Christmas, don't forget to wish your friendly ASIO agent season's greetings, because they're listening too.

If the sound of a safer Christmas just doesn't seem right to you, never fear, just declare yourself the leader of a terrorist organisation. With any luck, you'll be locked away for at least two weeks, which should see you returning to society some time in 2006.

The proposed new anti-terror laws are clearly geared towards all Australians having a merry Christmas, so you better go and have a good one — you don't want to be seen as a dissenting voice in the community. After all, you're either with the government, or facing an indefinite jail term, so have a merry, but not alarmed Christmas.